Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2017-05-26 06:58
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groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
The US Postal Service
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump, but the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order.
There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
People are spitting on the wrong side.
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
culinary correctness One
culinary correctness
"When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger.
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.-- You don't love me any more?"
"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
The Saint
Posts: 475
Date Joined: 30/01/13
A man who just died is
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'