A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night
wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were
quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?'
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!'
Parvinder and Habib are beggars in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only brings home $4-$8 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL OF $10 notes, drives the latest model Mercedes, lives in a fully paid for house in an expensive neighbourhood and has plenty of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder "I work as long and as hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase of money each day?"
Parvinder says "look at your sign, what does it say?"
Habib's sign reads "Have no job and have a wife and six kids to support"
"No wonder you only make $4-$8 a day"
Habib says "what does your sign say?"
Parvinder shows his sign and it reads
ONLY NEED ANOTHER $10 TO MOVE BACK TO PAKISTAN WITH MY FAMILY !!
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest bottle shop and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
"What the feck are you doing Mick" says Paddy.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me, says an obviously embarrassed Mick: "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor".
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago.
Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales."
The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats.
Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!"
Just then the female whale becomes less cooperative.
She says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is no way I'm swallowing seamen!"
A blonde was driving her car along a country road admiring the scenery when she sees a blonde in a row boat in the middle of a paddock rowing . she slams on her brakes , puts it in reverse to go back to the other blonde, gets out of the car and yells out "ITS BLONDES LIKE YOU DOING STUFF LIKE THAT THAT GIVES US ALL A BAD REPUTATION, IF ONLY I COULD SWIM I WOULD COME OVER TO YOU AND KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF"
Off to BALI today YIPPEE
DieHard
Posts: 1823
Date Joined: 06/10/08
haha! ----- How often do you
haha!
-----
How often do you go to bali mate, is it work?
DieHard – The Official “Ray & Shark” Chaser!
Iceman
Posts: 749
Date Joined: 17/03/09
A good one
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night
wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were
quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?'
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!'
Smartline Personal Mortgage Advisers - Level 1, 11 Hobsons Gate Currambine
0448122208
MattMiller
Posts: 4171
Date Joined: 15/06/09
HAHAHA
nice 1 Iceman
Adam Gallash
Posts: 15665
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Blondes
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
Site Admin - Just ask if you need assistance
carnarvonite
Posts: 8706
Date Joined: 24/07/07
Shifty
Parvinder and Habib are beggars in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only brings home $4-$8 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL OF $10 notes, drives the latest model Mercedes, lives in a fully paid for house in an expensive neighbourhood and has plenty of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder "I work as long and as hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase of money each day?"
Parvinder says "look at your sign, what does it say?"
Habib's sign reads "Have no job and have a wife and six kids to support"
"No wonder you only make $4-$8 a day"
Habib says "what does your sign say?"
Parvinder shows his sign and it reads
ONLY NEED ANOTHER $10 TO MOVE BACK TO PAKISTAN WITH MY FAMILY !!
Northwest
Posts: 71
Date Joined: 06/03/08
Iceman quality stuff mate,
Iceman quality stuff mate, love it!!
Freo_Boi
Posts: 266
Date Joined: 23/02/10
Weary Overload Recreational Killer
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest bottle shop and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
looking4mulloway
Posts: 101
Date Joined: 17/08/05
Paddy is passing by Mick's
Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door
he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red
Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first
the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets
his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his
corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea
stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on
to a pile of hay.
"What the feck are you doing Mick" says Paddy.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me, says an obviously
embarrassed Mick: "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in
the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a
tractor".
Tony Halliday
Posts: 2500
Date Joined: 14/06/07
The Whale's Revenge Two
The Whale's Revenge
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago.
Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales."
The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats.
Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!"
Just then the female whale becomes less cooperative.
She says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is no way I'm swallowing seamen!"
Tony Halliday: ~Meals on Reels ~
It takes a strong fish to swim against the current. Even a dead one can float with it
"It is always in season for old men to learn." Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." Akira Kurosawa (1910-1998)
Lamby
Posts: 3145
Date Joined: 04/08/09
Masseuse
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today... Apparently the instruction “finish off on her face” didn't mean what I thought it did
mikestan
Posts: 92
Date Joined: 12/01/10
a mate got fired today for
a mate got fired today for being 1 mill out,
turns out he worked in a bank
an old boilermaker joke
Spinnerak
Posts: 521
Date Joined: 03/04/10
Two blondes walked into a
Two blondes walked into a building, thought one of them would have seen it!
Subway cookie is the best burley
DieHard
Posts: 1823
Date Joined: 06/10/08
ahaha :P
ahaha :P
DieHard – The Official “Ray & Shark” Chaser!
Faulkner Family
Posts: 18330
Date Joined: 11/03/08
some good pones there. those
some good pones there. those pics are classics.
A blonde was driving her car along a country road admiring the scenery when she sees a blonde in a row boat in the middle of a paddock rowing . she slams on her brakes , puts it in reverse to go back to the other blonde, gets out of the car and yells out "ITS BLONDES LIKE YOU DOING STUFF LIKE THAT THAT GIVES US ALL A BAD REPUTATION, IF ONLY I COULD SWIM I WOULD COME OVER TO YOU AND KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF"
RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together